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Monday, February 28, 2011

Love Language ~ When Your Adult Child Struggles With Depression ~ Anger Issues ~ Substance Abuse



How to Really Love Your Adult Child
Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World
by
Authors Gary Chapman, PhD, and Ross Campbell, MD




Love Language ~ When Your Adult Child Struggles With Depression ~ Anger Issues ~ Substance Abuse



When Your Adult Child Struggles
By Dr. Chapman


With Depression
Depression is the most common hurdle faced by young adults. Symptoms include feelings of helplessness, despondency, and despair; problems with sleep either too much or too little); problems with eating - too much or too little; and lack of energy. This in turn will affect the young adult's performance and may result in flunking out of college or being fired from a job.

Often when they reach this point the young adult will turn to parents for help. May I encourage you, don't try to help them alone. Insist that they see a counselor, medical doctor, or a pastor. Let them know that if they want to talk, you want to listen. Look for life-threatening symptoms such as suicidal talk or actions. Inform the counselor of such talk or actions. Invite them to do things with you. And pray for them daily.

What you don't want to do is tell them that they have nothing to be depressed about. Don't tell them to snap out of it. Don't tell them that the problem is spiritual. Don't tell them that the problem stems from their past failures. With proper help your friend or family member can work through depression and be able to move toward independence.

With Anger Issues
One of the most common problems for adolescents and young adults is passive-aggressive anger. This person has a subconscious motivation to do exactly the opposite of what one is supposed to do. Typically this behavior is designed to get back at a parent or other authority figure, at whom the individual is angry. The tragedy is that their behavior hurts them more than the other person. It is an immature way of handling anger.

If your child's behavior is illogical, rebellious, and self-destructive it may well be coming from internalized anger. The answer lies not in condemning their behavior, but in dealing with their anger. Someone must hear the pain and help the child find a better way to deal with anger.

With Substance Abuse
Alcohol and drug-related problems have become the downfall of many adolescents and young adults. Parents are frustrated and often do not know what to do. Here are three specific ways you can help if you suspect that your child has a drug problem.
  1. Pray and ask God for wisdom.  He can and will guide you in finding the help you need.
  2. Seek counsel from a qualified person on what steps you should take.  Don't try to solve the problem on your own.   
  3. Practice "tough love".  Tough love means letting you child suffer the consequences of their drug and alcohol abuse.   
This is the fastest way for your child to become willing to go for treatment. Be kind, but firm in refusing to bail them out.







The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.


There are five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=wives



Choose One:

A Love Language Minute


Link:
Live Stream Saturday Mornings

Building Relationships Radio
Eastern Time Live Stream Saturday Mornings
11:00 a.m. Eastern Time Live Stream

Five Love Language Feed



A Love Language Minute 






Monday, February 21, 2011

How to Really Love Your Adult Child ~ When Your Child Moves Home ~ Who's eating my chocolate? ~ They're back! Now what?

How to Really Love Your Adult Child

Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World


by

Authors Gary Chapman, PhD, and Ross Campbell, MD






How to Really Love Your Adult Child ~ When Your Child Moves Home ~ Who's eating my chocolate? ~ They're back! Now what?





When Your Child Moves Home
By Dr. Chapman



Who's eating my chocolate?
There is a T-Shirt that boasts, "It's not an empty nest until they get their stuff out of the attic." For you, that may not seem even remotely funny.You aren't thinking about emptying the attic, but about what you are going to do now that your adult child has moved back into your house. They are called the boomerang generation. They leave, but they come back.

Certainly you love them, but you had not anticipated this. It has thrown your life and perhaps your marriage into a tail spin. Most parents are greatly frustrated when their children move back home and one of the most common problems is that spouses often disagree over how to treat the boomerang child.

Some adults are simply not ready for the real world. They have tried and failed. Now, they may be more open to your wisdom than when they were teenagers. Therefore, you as the parent have another opportunity to parent and guide them toward successful living.

They're back! Now what? 
Call a family conference. Find out what your adult child is thinking. Do they have plans? Or, do they just want to 'hang out'? Hanging out may be okay for a week or two, but you and your child need plans on how to move toward some obtainable goal. Even a small goal is better than no goal

During this meeting, I suggest you discuss and agree on the following three items:
  1. Establish a time limit for their stay. Everyone will feel more relaxed if you have some idea of how long this return stay is going to last.
  2. Formulate a financial agreement. In the rare event that you child cannot make any financial contribution, then assign tasks such as cleaning, yard work, or repairs. They will feel better if they are making a contribution.
  3. Respect the need for privacy. This involves not only living space, but the use of phone, possessions, and noise level. Make life as pleasant as possible. Try to avoid becoming a war zone.
Communicating expectations is key to any relationship. If you want to guide your adult child towards success in life, then set these expectations in place and follow through with the agreements. This will teach your adult child to be responsible and accountable for their own actions and behavior. This is wise parenting.




The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.


There are five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=wives


Choose One:

A Love Language Minute


Link:
Live Stream Saturday Mornings

Building Relationships Radio
Eastern Time Live Stream Saturday Mornings
11:00 a.m. Eastern Time Live Stream

Five Love Language Feed



A Love Language Minute 






Friday, February 11, 2011

The Love Language of Gift Giving ~ Gift Giving is Universal...Love-Marriage Process ~ The Loudest Expression of Love...~ The Secret Ingredient...









 The Love Language of Gift Giving 
The Love Language of Gift Giving ~ Gift Giving is Universal...Love-Marriage Process ~ The Loudest Expression of Love... ~ The Secret Ingredient... 






The Love Language of Gift Giving
Dr. Gary Chapman

Gift Giving is Universal
As a student of Anthropology I have studied the advanced cultures of the Mayans and the Aztecs. I have studied the tribal peoples of Melanesia and Polynesia; the Eskimos of the northern tundra and the aboriginal Ainus of Japan. I discovered that in every culture gift giving was a part of the love-marriage process.

The attitude of love is always accompanied with the concept of giving. Gifts are visual symbols of love. From early years, children are inclined to give gifts to their parents. What mother has not received a dandelion from a child? So, let me ask you a personal question. When is the last time you gave a gift to someone you love?

The Loudest Expression
For some people, the loudest expression of love is a gift. Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. Some are expensive, and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little. If finances are limited, a dollar gift may speak a million dollars worth of love.

Gifts may be purchased, found, or made. The husband who picks a wild-flower has found himself an expression of love, unless, of course, his wife is allergic to flowers. If you can afford it, you can purchase a beautiful card for less than five dollars. Or, you can make one for free. Get the paper out of the trash can where you work. Gifts need not be expensive. It's the thought that counts.

The Secret Ingredient 
man told me recently that he had read my book the five love languages and discovered that his wife's primary love language was receiving gifts. He realized that he had not given her a gift in five years except at Christmas. So, he decided to give her a gift every day for a week and see what would happen.

He was shocked to see that every day her smile got broader. By the end of the week she was laughing and hugging him. So, he tried it a second week. "What has happened to you," she asked? "I've been reading a book," he said. "I want that book," his wife said. "She read the book and discovered that my love language is words of affirmation. It has totally transformed our marriage," he said. Such stories are music to an author's ears.

Adapted from The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman.







The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.


There are five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=wives


Choose One:

A Love Language Minute


Link:
Live Stream Saturday Mornings

Building Relationships Radio
Eastern Time Live Stream Saturday Mornings
11:00 a.m. Eastern Time Live Stream

Five Love Language Feed



A Love Language Minute 


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Relationships Love Language ~ The Nature of Marriage ~ The Intimacy of Marriage ~ The Friendship of Marriage ~ The Glory of Marriage

The Four Seasons of Marriage

Hopeful Satisfied Distant Unsettled

  Understanding and Talking about the Ever-Changing Cycles of Marriage

Dr. Gary Chapman



Relationships Love Language ~ The Nature of Marriage ~ The Intimacy of Marriage ~ The Friendship of Marriage ~ The Glory of Marriage


The Nature of Marriage
Dr. Gary Chapman


The Intimacy of Marriage
At the heart of marriage is the idea of unity. The Bible states, "The two will become one flesh." Intimacy is the opposite of 'aloneness'. God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Something deep within man cries out for the companionship of a woman, and the woman has a similar desire for intimacy with a man. Marriage is designed to satisfy that deep search for intimacy.

But this intimacy is not simply the joining of two bodies in a sexual experience. It is the joining of two souls in the deepest possible way. Intellectually, emotionally, socially, spiritually and physically we join our lives together. This intimacy grows with each passing day, if we take time to talk and listen; pray together, and seek God's guidance.

The Friendship of Marriage  
The writer of the book of Ecclesiastes said, "Two are better than one...If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Everyone needs a friend. The marriage relationship is seen in the Bible as a friendship. Husbands and wives are designed to complement each other. When the man is weak, his wife is strong; when she stumbles, he is there to pick her up.

Life is easier when two hearts and minds are committed to working together to face the challenges of the day. One of the great joys of marriage is helping your spouse accomplish a project that is meaningful to them. We use our skills to help each other. We also give emotional support when one is hurting. Yes, two are better than one.

The Glory of Marriage
"Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together" Psalm 34:3. One young man used this verse to propose marriage to his girlfriend. I like that. From a biblical perspective, the purpose of life is not to accomplish our own objectives. The purpose of life is to know God and to bring glory and honor to His name. For most people, marriage enhances the possibility of achieving this objective.

Yet, in the pressure of daily life we often get more concerned about paying the bills, mowing the grass, and getting clothes for the children than we do about bringing glory to God. However, these very things, if done "as unto the Lord" do honor God. As you serve your family, you are serving God.

 
Adapted from The Four Seasons of Marriage by Dr. Gary Chapman.


How to Really Love Your Adult Child: Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World by Dr. Gary Chapman and  Dr. Ross Campbell

More than 10 years after Parenting Your Adult Child was published, much has changed - including young adults themselves, as well as their parents. Economic upheavals, challenges to traditional values and beliefs, the phenomenon of over-involved "helicopter parenting" - all make relating to grown children more difficult than ever. Yet at the same time, being a parent of an adult child can bring great rewards. This revised and updated version of Dr. Gary Chapman's and Dr. Ross Campbell's message will help today's parents explore how to really love their adult child in today's changing world. The book includes brief sidebars from parents of adult children and adult children themselves with their own stories. An online study guide will also be available.







A Love Language Minute


Link:
Live Stream Saturday Mornings

Building Relationships Radio
Eastern Time Live Stream Saturday Mornings
11:00 a.m. Eastern Time Live Stream

Five Love Language Feed



A Love Language Minute 


Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. and evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.


   

Saturday, February 12, 2011: Valentine’s Day with Dr. James Ford 

Desperate Marriages ~ Videos ~ Albums and Links






Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet
Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet ~ Last Supper. The Passover with the Disciples. Institution of the Lord’s Supper. Judas to Betray Jesus. Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22 ESV. Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet. ....12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you....John 13:1-20 ESV.Christ Reasoning with Peter, by Giotto di Bondone (Cappella Scrovegni a Padova).

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011~ Relationships Love Language ~ Biblical Inspiration ~ The Inspirational