Independence Day ~ 4th of July

Independence Day ~ 4th of July
Thursday, July 04, 2013 ~ Independence Day ~ Happy 4th of July


Relationships Love Language

Independence Day ~ 4th of July

Independence Day ~ 4th of July
Thursday, July 04, 2013 ~ Independence Day ~ Happy 4th of July

Love Language

Primitive Baptists

1stbiblical's Blog

The Inspirational

Biblical Inspiration 1


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Relationships Love Language ~ How to Deal Effectively With Conflict ~ Featured Resource The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011 ~ FEATURED GUEST ~ DR. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman

"The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace" by Gary Chapman & Paul White

Interview with Gary Chapman & Paul White,
 "The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace"

 The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

How to Deal Effectively With Conflict 
Dr. Gary Chapman

I have observed a common pattern across many areas that I work (and live) - people avoiding dealing with tense or conflictual situations in their relationships with others. And almost always, not dealing with the situation creates additional problems or makes the conflict larger and more intense (often involving more people than were originally involved).
And it happens in lots of settings:
  • in family businesses, between family members working together
  • in office settings, between coworkers who can't get a long
  • in marriages, between spouses
  • in extended families, between parents-in-law and their children's spouse
  • in schools, between teachers and parents of the students
  • in wealthy families, between siblings who are inheriting wealth
  • and on and on.
Now, I am not going to try to address all the issues relevant to conflict in relationships, that would require a book (or two). But let's look at some core concepts.
First, why do people often try to avoid conflict? I think there are lots of potential reasons, but let's identify a few.
  1. Many people do not like emotionally-charged situations, and they feel if they raise the issue underlying the conflict, emotions will get out of control.
  2. Most people don't like others to act or communicate in an angry way towards them, and will almost anything to avoid this type of interchange.
  3. Some individuals believe that, in conflict, someone must either "be wrong" or have done something wrong, and they don't want to be accused of this.
  4. Most of us, when we have done something wrong, don't like admitting it or apologizing for our error.
The problem is - not dealing with conflict in a situation doesn't make it go away. In fact, frequently, things get worse. When there is tension between two people, or when there is a relational break (that is, the two people are not communicating much at all, if any) - not dealing with the issue creates additional problems, including:
  • Others notice the tension and it makes them feel uncomfortable.
  • Communication between the two individuals becomes minimal and ineffective.
  • Other people get pulled into the conflict, and often begin to "take sides".
  • The people involved in the conflict experience a lot more emotional tension in their lives, with their emotions "building up", and often spilling over into other areas of their lives.
  • The relationship becomes more and more distant, sometimes to the point of total cut-off between the two parties.
Now, I am not suggesting, that if you are in the midst of a conflict in one of your relationships, you should run out and "deal with it". Why? Because most people who have the habit of avoiding conflict don't have very good success at resolving conflictual situations on their own - they don't haven't been practicing how to deal with conflict in their daily lives (we all have it, you know), they have misbeliefs about what should be done ("we just need to sit down and talk it out"), and they may not have the skills to deal with the situation effectively.

So what should you do?

First, take stock of your relationships and see if there are any that currently have significant tension or conflict that is getting in the way. Admit to yourself that there is a relationship that needs attention.

Second, observe how the tension in your relationship is affecting your life and those around you. For you to seriously consider dealing with the situation, you are probably going to need to be convinced that the conflict is creating problems in your life. You may want to ask those close to you in the situation (coworkers, family members) how the tension affects them (don't ask it in a way where you are looking for support for your position in the conflict).

If possible, seek some help from someone who can help you deal with the conflict in the relationship in a positive way. Get some counsel from someone you admire and observe that they seem to be able to address relational tensions in their lives in a healthy way. Sometimes it may be beneficial to talk to a professional counselor, business coach, or facilitator - to help you and the other person meet together to resolve the issues creating the conflict.

Do some reading that can help you grow in dealing with conflicts in your life. Whatever the conflict you are currently experiencing, if you are a habitual "conflict avoider", be assured this will not be the last difficult relational situation you have to deal with - there will be more. So it would be wise to start to grow in your ability to deal with tensions in relationships in a healthy way. There is a great book, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most  that a number of my clients have found to be quite helpful in guiding them through tough conversations they needed to have with someone in their life. Additionally, Lewis Smedes has written an excellent book, The Art of Forgiving,  that is also extremely helpful.

I have conflict in relationships in my life (just ask those close to me), and I am still learning how to deal with those tensions in a healthier manner - I think we all can. Let's just commit together to not let tensions in relationships fester to the point where they poison our lives - it will make all of our lives healthier.

DR. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman on the upcoming The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011). He is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who helps make work relationships work. For the past two decades, he has improved numerous businesses, wealthy family estates, schools, and nonprofit organizations by helping them to build healthy relationships, create positive workplace environments, and raising the level of job satisfaction for both employees and volunteers. Dr. White has been an invited speaker on four continents, and has spoken at Princeton University, the Milken Institute, and for numerous national organizations.

For more information, visit   


Learn Your Language

The Five Languages of Appreciation

Communicating appreciation in work-based relationships can be difficult, and ineffective, if you don’t understand the languages and actions that are important to your colleagues.  The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace shows you how to “hit the mark” in encouraging with your coworkers.

Grounded in the conceptual foundations of the NY Times #1 bestselling book by Dr. Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, the ways that appreciation is demonstrated in the workplace can differ significantly from personal relationships. The languages are the same (in name), but their practical application in work-based relationships is quite different. Let us explain each:

Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation. Words, both oral and written, can be used to affirm and encourage those around us. Some people prefer personal one-on-one communication, while others value being praised in front of others (but it is important to know that relatively few people like to receive public affirmation in front of a large group.)

Quality Time

Quality Time. Personal, focused time and attention with their supervisor is highly affirming for some. But others enjoy different types of time — “hanging out” with their coworkers, working together as a team on a project, or just having someone take the time to listen to them. And the type of time desired can differ significantly depending on whether it is with colleagues or with their supervisor.

Acts of Service

Acts of Service. Assisting in getting a task done can be extremely encouraging to a colleague. Helping a teammate “dig out” from being behind, working collaboratively on a project that would be difficult to do alone, or just working alongside with them on a task, are all ways to demonstrate appreciation for their efforts.

Tangible Gifts

Tangible Gifts. The key to an effective gift in the workplace is the “thought,” not the amount of money spent. Taking time to notice what your colleagues enjoy (chocolate, coffee, cashews), observing their hobbies and interests (sports, books, crafts) and buying them a small related gift shows that you are getting to know them as a person and understand what is important to them.

Physical Touch

Appropriate Physical Touch. While we acknowledge that physical touch is less important in work-based relationships, and the potential for abuse exists, we still find that appropriate physical touch is meaningful. Usually, it occurs spontaneously and in the context of celebration — a “high five,” fistbump, slap on the back, or congratulatory handshake. To not touch one another at all often leads to a cold, impersonal environment.
What is your unique language of appreciation? Find out by taking the Motivating By Appreciation (MBA) Inventory.

Relationships Love Language ~ How to Deal Effectively With Conflict ~ Featured Resource The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011 ~ FEATURED GUEST ~ DR. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman

Dr Gary Chapman reveals the secrets of a successful relationship.

The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.


There are five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @

Choose One:

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Primitive Baptists

Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet
Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet ~ Last Supper. The Passover with the Disciples. Institution of the Lord’s Supper. Judas to Betray Jesus. Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22 ESV. Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet. ....12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you....John 13:1-20 ESV.Christ Reasoning with Peter, by Giotto di Bondone (Cappella Scrovegni a Padova).


Tuesday, February 8, 2011~ Relationships Love Language ~ Biblical Inspiration ~ The Inspirational