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Monday, July 11, 2011

Relationships Love Language ~ Working Together with Your Spouse ~ Differentiating work roles vs. husband/wife roles ~ Communication patterns and styles ~ Decision-making styles and processes ~ Clarifying roles and responsibilities ~ The issue of "time together" ~ Featured Resource The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011) ~ FEATURED GUEST ~ DR. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman

Working Together


Working Together with Your Spouse
  • Differentiating work roles vs. husband/wife roles
  • Communication patterns and styles
  • Decision-making styles and processes
  • Clarifying roles and responsibilities
  • The issue of "time together"



Working Together with Your Spouse
Dr. Gary Chapman


One of the issues that I deal with almost every week is the challenges associated with spouses working together. (If you do not work together in a business setting, do not "check out" yet - these issues occur for virtually all couples, because you have to "work together" at home - either doing projects, making meals, managing the finances, doing fix-up projects, etc.)

Virtually all couples who work together, in business or just in their combined lives together, seem to face common challenges. Here are some of the most common themes I observe (or experience personally):
Differentiating work roles vs. husband/wife roles.
In work-based relationships (including the delegation of responsibilities at home), the primary focus is on getting tasks done. Now there are lots of different ways of approaching tasks, which leads to different leadership styles, but focusing on tasks is very different than just focusing on one's relationship. Regardless of the authority direction in the work-focused relationship (the wife is in the leadership role of the business, or the husband is taking leadership is a home-based task) - the overlay of work roles and husband/wife roles creates challenges in the combined relationship.

Communication patterns and styles.
If you have two people working together, they will have different thought patterns and communication styles. Add the gender factor, and there are usually even greater differences. Then combine the challenge of living in a wife/husband role (just the relational aspect) with trying to work together to get tasks done. And voila! you have some real obstacles in communicating effectively.

Decision-making styles and processes.
Now we move from trying to talk about what the issues are to actually making a decision. Just like communicating, individuals vary in how they go about making decisions - from very thorough, methodical fact gatherers (who can delay making decisions 'until they have all the facts') to more intuitive, spontaneous decision-makers who 'go with their gut' (which can lead to an interesting ride as they change their decisions based on their most recent feeling). This is probably a core issue that every couple has to come to grips with - how do we make decisions together?

Clarifying roles and responsibilities.
When there are multiple roles for each individual, then there is a higher likelihood of confusion about 'who is supposed to do what.' The wife may manage the monthly finances in the home, but the husband may oversee the financial decisions in the business - but the two overlap. Couples usually figure out each person's roles and responsibilities in the marriage (although there can be tense times when the family goes through life stage transitions). But when one is the leader in the business (it doesn't matter who), and when as a leader he or she makes decisions and assigns tasks - this can create tension in the marriage - most spouses don't like to be told "what to do" in the marriage, and if it is perceived as carrying over into the marital relationship - resentment and resistance can develop.

The issue of "time together".
For many spouses, time together is an important ingredient of a satisfying relationship. But usually, working together on a business task doesn't "count" as time together (at least for the woman, usually - sometimes the guy thinks [and occasionally says] 'but I was with you all day'). And continuing to have work-focused discussions at home (e.g. over dinner) is not viewed as relational time.

Now, most of you who are married are saying to yourselves, "Paul, tell me something I didn't already know - these are true but help me out here. What do we do to deal with these issues?"

Well, for starters, acknowledge the issues that create challenges for you and your spouse.

Secondly, it might be helpful for the two of you to talk about them and hear from each other which issues are most important to each of you.

Third, if these challenges are creating major stress and tension in your relationship, seek out some help. I find that a little time together with couples - helping them identify the major points of tension and develop some strategies and processes can help a lot. A fair amount of my professional time is helping couples work through these issues and to get past "stuck points" (and/or helping them talk about and make difficult decisions together,) It doesn't have to take a long time and can be really beneficial.


FEATURED GUEST:

R. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman on the upcoming The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011). He is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who helps make work relationships work. For the past two decades, he has improved numerous businesses, wealthy family estates, schools, and nonprofit organizations by helping them to build healthy relationships, create positive workplace environments, and raising the level of job satisfaction for both employees and volunteers. Dr. White has been an invited speaker on four continents, and has spoken at Princeton University, the Milken Institute, and for numerous national organizations.

For more information, visit DrPaulWhite.com 
  




The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace



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The Five Languages of Appreciation


Communicating appreciation in work-based relationships can be difficult, and ineffective, if you don’t understand the languages and actions that are important to your colleagues.  The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace shows you how to “hit the mark” in encouraging with your coworkers.

Grounded in the conceptual foundations of the NY Times #1 bestselling book by Dr. Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, the ways that appreciation is demonstrated in the workplace can differ significantly from personal relationships. The languages are the same (in name), but their practical application in work-based relationships is quite different. Let us explain each:

Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation. Words, both oral and written, can be used to affirm and encourage those around us. Some people prefer personal one-on-one communication, while others value being praised in front of others (but it is important to know that relatively few people like to receive public affirmation in front of a large group.)

Quality Time

Quality Time. Personal, focused time and attention with their supervisor is highly affirming for some. But others enjoy different types of time — “hanging out” with their coworkers, working together as a team on a project, or just having someone take the time to listen to them. And the type of time desired can differ significantly depending on whether it is with colleagues or with their supervisor.

Acts of Service

Acts of Service. Assisting in getting a task done can be extremely encouraging to a colleague. Helping a teammate “dig out” from being behind, working collaboratively on a project that would be difficult to do alone, or just working alongside with them on a task, are all ways to demonstrate appreciation for their efforts.

Tangible Gifts

Tangible Gifts. The key to an effective gift in the workplace is the “thought,” not the amount of money spent. Taking time to notice what your colleagues enjoy (chocolate, coffee, cashews), observing their hobbies and interests (sports, books, crafts) and buying them a small related gift shows that you are getting to know them as a person and understand what is important to them.

Physical Touch

Appropriate Physical Touch. While we acknowledge that physical touch is less important in work-based relationships, and the potential for abuse exists, we still find that appropriate physical touch is meaningful. Usually, it occurs spontaneously and in the context of celebration — a “high five,” fistbump, slap on the back, or congratulatory handshake. To not touch one another at all often leads to a cold, impersonal environment.

What is your unique language of appreciation? Find out by taking the Motivating By Appreciation (MBA) Inventory.









Relationships Love Language ~ Working Together with Your Spouse ~ Differentiating work roles vs. husband/wife roles ~ Communication patterns and styles ~ Decision-making styles and processes ~ Clarifying roles and responsibilities ~ The issue of "time together" ~ Featured Resource The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (August 1, 2011 ~ FEATURED GUEST ~ DR. PAUL WHITE is co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman





The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.

 

There are five love languages:


1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=wives



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Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet
Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet ~ Last Supper. The Passover with the Disciples. Institution of the Lord’s Supper. Judas to Betray Jesus. Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22 ESV. Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet. ....12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you....John 13:1-20 ESV.Christ Reasoning with Peter, by Giotto di Bondone (Cappella Scrovegni a Padova).

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011~ Relationships Love Language ~ Biblical Inspiration ~ The Inspirational