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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Relationships Love Language ~ Your Supervisor Really Isn't the One Who Wants to Support You ~ Guest Post: Dr. Paul White, co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Guest Post, Dr. Paul White, co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Paul-Speaking-ASB-2012
Dr. Paul White – Speaking – ASB.





Relationships Love Language ~ Your Supervisor Really Isn't the One Who Wants to Support You ~ Guest Post: Dr. Paul White, co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People

Authors Gary D. Chapman and Paul White



 

     Dr. Gary D. Chapman                    Dr. Paul White






A collage of clips from the Appreciation at Work™ training DVD. We hope you find them insightful and helpful as you seek to show appreciation at work.

Appreciation in the Workplace
Dr. Paul White








Your Supervisor Really Isn't the One Who Wants to Support You 


Back in the early stages of developing our materials for The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace we were focused on managers and supervisory relationships, to the point that our initial "working title" of our inventory was the Managing by Appreciation Inventory (as opposed to the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory). But as we talked to friends, colleagues and clients in the world of work, the feedback they gave to us led us to conclude that focusing on managers and managerial-based relationships was too narrow - partly because many leaders and supervisors do not view themselves as managers (and thus, don't identify with the term.) Additionally, the phrase "Managing By Appreciation" felt controlling or manipulative to some, whereas motivating by appreciation had a less pejorative feel to it.

So we have proceeded to use the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory and model as we have worked with businesses, organizations, leaders and teams across the country. Our work has been well received and is growing in scope and impact (for example, medical practices, large corporations, government agencies, public schools, universities, manufacturing firms, insurance agencies, the military.)
But we also have been getting some interesting feedback as we listen to those with whom we work. One repeated message we are hearing is:

Supervisors are not necessarily the individuals most concerned about supporting and encouraging those with whom they work.

While we don't want to disparage managers, employers, supervisors or team leaders; as a group, they often are not the ones who communicate the most excitement in finding out their colleagues' preferred languages of appreciation and the specific actions that will "hit the mark" in communicating encouragement.

Colleagues are the individuals who seem to be most excited to learn how to support their peers. Team members repeatedly tell us statements like: "I really want to learn how to support my colleagues - I want to know how to encourage them when they are having a bad day." While no one has ever communicated that they don't want to receive authentic appreciation from their supervisor, many workers seem to understand that their supervisor may not be able to provide all the support that team members need. 

In fact, we are finding that the work groups who are most successful in creating a positive work environment among their colleagues are the ones where the manager understands and works to implement the principle of mutual appreciation and encouragement. Not only does the manager accept the responsibility for communicating meaningful appreciation to her or his supervisees, but the manager also actively supports their team members in utilizing the 5 languages of appreciation and the results from the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory to encourage one another. When this happens, a "positive snowball effect" beings to emerge, and the individuals within this work group really begin to enjoy working together.

Why might this be?

In reflecting on this dynamic, the desire colleagues have to show appreciation to one another makes sense on a number of levels:

 

  • Peers know from personal experience the stress and demands their colleagues have to deal with on a daily basis.

 

  • In many settings, there is far more interaction & communication among colleagues than between employees & their supervisors.

 

  • Because of their proximity, co-workers may sense discouragement and the need for appreciation more quickly than supervisors do.

 

  • While appreciation & encouragement from one's supervisor may be more desired and impactful, support and encouragement from peers may be a more realistic expectation on a day to day basis.

Implications for Action

The implications from this unexpected finding are significant and exciting.

  1. First, this feedback indicates that individuals at any level within an organization have the opportunity to have a significant impact by showing appreciation and encouragement to those with whom they work. The task and communication is not solely in the domain of those who supervise others.  
  2. Secondly, the conclusion for supervisors is critical: trying to take on the sole responsibility to communicate appreciation to those whom you supervise will not be as effective as teaching them how to encourage one another. A manager can't do it all by themselves, but they can lead and educate their staff in a way that mutual encouragement becomes part of the normal communication pattern among the team.  
  3. Finally, supervisors and managers need to provide the resources needed for colleagues to know how to effectively encourage their co-workers in the ways that are uniquely meaningful to each person. The gap between good intentions and effective implementation may seem small, but in reality the chasm is more like the Grand Canyon. If you are a leader or supervisor pursue getting the resources that will help your team effectively apply the concepts of communicating authentic meaningful appreciation to one another.  

Find out more about these resources at appreciationatwork.com

Guest Post:
Dr. Paul White, co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace








The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.


There are five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

Love Languages Personal Profile @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=wives


Choose One:






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Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Relationships Love Language ~ JESUS Enters Jerusalem ~ Holy Week ~ Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet
Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet ~ Last Supper. The Passover with the Disciples. Institution of the Lord’s Supper. Judas to Betray Jesus. Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22 ESV. Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet. ....12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you....John 13:1-20 ESV.Christ Reasoning with Peter, by Giotto di Bondone (Cappella Scrovegni a Padova).

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011~ Relationships Love Language ~ Biblical Inspiration ~ The Inspirational